Creating a Meaningful Year Ahead

Once upon a time, New Years were celebrated with fireworks, parties, and really crowded gyms.

Since Covid however, not so much.

I know I am not the only one who has noticed the bleak feeling in the air when the first of January came through. The last couple of years has taken a lot from some of us, and just when things were looking up, 2021 ended with fears of the Omricon variant and a horrible flood that displaced thousands of people in Malaysia.

The excitement of things opening up again and returning to a sense of 'normal' are mixed with the anxiety of socialising after a long time and the tension of being stuck in traffic (on your way to meet the boss who kept harassing you on WhatsApp at odd/all hours during WFH!)

When we are overwhelmed with all of this, what happens is that we behave like we are 'putting out fires', our mind and body are on fight vs. flight mode -- we are constantly problem solving. And when there is a fire, the last thing you're going to be thinking about is how much weight you want to lose, or how to improve the quality of your relationships. You have no space to think about self-actualisation when you are fighting for security and survival. This being said though, we need to remind ourselves that there is no *actual* fire -- and we don't need to be on fight vs. flight ALL the time.

So how do we do that and make the most of 2022?

1. Create a Safe Space

Before we can proceed to thinking about how to create meaning, we first need to be mindful about creating a sense of SAFETY: a space or time when you are not putting out fires. For example, if you are constantly putting out fires at work, then be mindful to use home as a place to wind down and focus on yourself. Or if you are like me and have to put out fires at home and at work, maintain little pockets of time where you can direct your energy towards yourself. This might be one hour before you start your day / before you go sleep, during a morning walk, or even during your commute to/from work. It's important to make this as part of your routine so that you can continuously work on yourself.

2. Reflect on What's Important to You

I ended 2021 feeling absolutely drained and tense, even after taking a few days off.

To me this was a hint that I am not doing something right, and I forced myself to reflect.

What always helps me figure out what matters, is by looking not only at the things that make me feel joy, but also that create pain. So think about: a) What was the most joyful experience for you in 2021? and b) What was the hardest experience you went through in 2021?

c) What do these incidents tell you about what matters to you?

For example, if your biggest struggle was being in isolation during one of the lockdown periods, that might say that Connection is important to you. How would you like to connect with others in 2022? Who would you like to connect with?

3. The Formula to Your Resolutions

• Make it relevant. -Your resolutions should reflect your values (what's important to you). And the thing about Values is that they are freely chosen and they are not about "should" or "must". - In other words, they are not about what society (or your parents, or social media) expects you to do.

• Be specific. -Once you have determined a couple of things that are important to you, look at how far (or close) you are from practising these values. For example, if what's important to you is 'Health', think about what a healthy person would do. And what would a small step for you look like? Example: eating 3 portions of vegetables a day, getting a medical check-up done.

• Measurable Progress - Yes, progress, not results. We often get discouraged and chuck our resolutions aside (right about now-- in February) because our mind is focused on the result, the outcome -- and every day that we have not met the anticipated result, we feel more and more helpless AND we lose trust in ourselves to accomplish it. That's when our 'self-stories' like, "I am just a lazy person", "I am not meant for this thing" show up. So instead of focusing on the number on the scale, or how much money you make at the end of the year, break it down and keep track of what you're doing day to day. A habit tracker can be useful here.

4. Keeping Your Resolutions

• James Clear (Atomic Habits) recommends working on our system by breaking down all the things that are involved in our goal / resolution. If you resolve to be more tidy: instead of doing a massive clean up at the end of every week, you want to think about making the time to do small acts of 'tidiness' each day like making your bed every morning, putting away laundry / dirty dishes immediately, cleaning up after each time you use the kitchen.

• We often think that these small steps / small changes don't count. (exercising for half an hour today will not make me slimmer tomorrow). But if we work on improving 1% each day, by the end of the year, I might get to say that I am 36% healthier than I was last year!

• We are what we do what we are. I always tell my clients to be mindful of their self-stories because they often become self-fulfilling prophecies. People often find it difficult to change because they have identified themselves with their behaviours; I am just a lazy person, I am a smoker, I am a sweet-tooth, I am introverted. One way to help with that is to ask yourself what type of person you want to be (going back to those values) and what would that person do? "What would a healthy person do?" ... "What would Beyonce do?" Identifying with the person we want to be, can help to encourage us to keep going.

• Your environment will shape your success. So look around you: does your environment nurture who you want to be? Will Beyonce live / work here? (just kidding). Looking at our 3-4 closest connections is also important: research has shown that the people closest to us have a huge influence on our health: from the way we eat, to our ratings of happiness.

The main thing for me is to start small (and keep it small). Slow, steady progress tends to be more lasting than doing something extreme / waiting for a big result or impact. I hope that by reflecting on your values and being mindful about the smaller things you do in your day-to-day, you will see a meaningful change by the end of the year.

As for me -- this post took several small paragraphs over a few days (ok, weeks), and I am RELIEVED that I've reached the last one. Already doing better than last year ;)

Til next time!